Last week this Fall, the overnight drizzle came for the first time since Spring. It washed the ash off the raspberries and figs, though we still rinse the fruit indoors to be safe. The smoke has covered the sun off and on for the past month, so the tomatoes think it’s now end of season, and are withering on the vine despite the irrigation. The bean trellis, though, is still in full bloom and Bug loves sitting inside, eating beans left and right without pausing to chew between mouthfuls. I hose down the vines every now and then to make sure she isn’t eating burnt redwoods and plastic appliances and aluminum siding and such.
2020 has been a year of many feelings, which I’m sure everybody can tell you. A global pandemic hit early on (“stay away from others!”) which led to school closings (“stay close to home!”) which then bled into dry summer wildfires and ubiquitous smoke (“stay inside!”). Papa John left his job at the beginning of the pandemic in March to stay home with Bug, and Mama Autumn found her continued office space in the bedroom on a folding table, and then a standing desk with an actual ergonomic chair for the Summer. What luxury! As long as we installed smoke-rated air filters into the Quail Cottage central air, it seemed like we could stay indoors forever!
Maybe some events may have been missed? What’s a Bug? What caused the smoke? What … ?
I do apologize for not keeping things up to speed. But life has continued as it tends to do whether we write about it or not. We now have a Bug! We have a Quail Cottage human denizen! We have a fair-haired freckle-faced question-child!
Question-child surely, as in she questions everything her three-year-old mind can think of these days. “Bug, we have to go to school!” “Why?” “Bug, it’s time for us to get to bed.” “Why?” “Bug, mama and dada would like to sleep in past 4am this morning.” “Why?” Such a curious addition to Quail Cottage has not been seen since Gertrude, Gertrude, Gertrude, Gertrude, and Gertrude were asking where breakfast was every morning back in the Summer Of Citrus And Eggs. She has been such a delight for us at the Cottage; helping us smoosh dirt into pots, scooping dirt from one pot to another, and most importantly, using her small wheelbarrow to put lots of dirt into, so that it can be dumped onto the ground.
It turns out that the Spring Of Pandemic was a bit rough; Bug’s preschool closed because of the global flu that spread quickly, and Papa John left his job to help take care of her full time, while Mama Autumn kept the family afloat with her job that moved to her new “desk” in the bedroom. Grandma Carol and Grandpa Charlie in Maine were so happy to be called upon for FaceTimes every few days; we started Grandpa School after breakfast for counting practice, building towers out of Papa John’s meadmaking supplies, and reading books over video. Bug became good video friends with Sammy, the grandparent’s young black lab, whom she definitely remembers meeting almost a year ago in Maine. Any apparel with a black dog logo on it is obviously a Sammy Shirt; and though she’s really grown out of hers now, we’re expecting more for Christmas…
Grandpa Rob passed last year, which means that we don’t take as many trips down to Santa Cruz as we had been. I could say immeasurable things about Grandpa Rob, but for his relationship with Bug, we have tried to capture in a book of his poems published called Supernova: Living and Dying. Please let us know if you wish a copy. Since fewer obligations to Santa Cruz, Nana has been such a wonderful gem for us, driving up to take care of Bug for a bit while the parent Quails head out for a much-needed quiet date without a kiddo. Hey, let’s go out for a movie! Oh wait, theatres are closed for pandemic. Let’s go out for lunch! Oh, we can only dine outside for pandemic, and it’s kinda cold today. We could go hiking! Sure, let’s just go somewhere out of the house. #COVIDLIFE
To a degree this seemed at the time like something we could deal with. It was a life-threatening challenge for some; but we were socioeconomically privileged, were lucky to be at low risk, and able to stay out of danger at home, with a good Cottage to help take care of us and offer us protection.
And then California started burning.
I don’t quite know how to type these words without recognizing that there are so many that lost their homes, their towns, their friends, and for some their lives, to these wildfires. For us it was a hindrance, a month of smoke off and on. A month of not knowing whether our child could go to school the next day or not. A month of trying to find indoor activities when our own backyard was too smoky to run and play in. A month of running up and down our hallways because that was the only way to get exercise. Yet, this is nothing compared to our friends that lost their homes. Nana helped house her now homeless friends from the Santa Cruz mountains that will never go back. State Parks that have stood for thousands of years have finally burned. The Bay Area had a “Spare The Air Day” with unhealthy air quality for about 30 days in a row.
Bug slept through it, but the rest of us were woken up by the beginning in Santa Cruz. While we were down at Nana’s for the weekend, the largest front of the season came through with big clouds, dry wind, and specifically, lightning. Lightning is rare in the Bay Area, and when it occurs it’s a big deal. From one of her books, Bug now refers to it as the Big Bang Booms! that she missed. These strikes are what created the giant complexes that eventually burned more than 4% of the entire state of California.
We usually don’t feel the need to wash our lettuce, chard, and fruit that comes in from the Cottage yard; unless aphids are visible, we know pesticides aren’t used and whatever dirt helps a good gut microbiome. But this season a visible layer of ash needed to be washed off; not only was it redwood ash from the Big Basin fires, but plastic and metal ash from houses, cars, and appliances that were incinerated in the Northern & Southern fires this year. Such a reminder sometimes that the plethora of State & National Parks we live next to are such a gem for us to have... and also a tinderbox for us to be aware of.
Now that it seems the worst air quality is past us, we hope to get back to a more regular school schedule, and Bug can get back to becoming friends with her classmates…. in strict cohorts of 8, segregated by classrooms & bathrooms, with clear walking paths away from other classes, and teachers all wearing masks. Wearing a facial mask has become familiar to her. A saying she will now grow up with is “because a lot of people are sick”.
How do we get our children past this? How do we get back to normal? How do we, as parents, deal with this turmoil without imprinting it onto our progeny for all time? Or, since it will be imprinted anyway, how do we accept that and allow us all to move on?
We are so lucky to be within this moment of technology while this is happening. Every other morning this summer, Bug asked “can I say hi to grandma and grandpa?” (Over FaceTime.) Video calling is part of her life now. Papa and Mama Quail share photos and videos of Bug every day even with her friends just down the street that she should not see without masks and six foot social distancing. Sammy shares videos of himself playing on the beach in Maine 3000 miles distant that Bug watches over pancakes. We live in a golden age of communication.
It’s hard sometimes, as parents, to think of technology and its role with a three year old. We prefer more physical toys and less tapping-and-watching of screens. But there are certain things it has enabled, most especially during these very tough times, that have kept us all alive, and Bug especially. FaceTiming with Grandma and Grandpa over pancakes, counting blocks and touching shapes with Grandpa, asking Grandma to give Sammy some treats, showing them my room and my new favorite books. Asking for rainbow yoga? on YouTube when Nana is up for the weekend and we can’t go outside because of the smoke, and Dada wants to do an indoor bike ride on the trainer. Video calling with Auntie Aurora and Uncle Ben because they can’t come visit because A Lot Of People Are Sick. Birthday parties over Zoom with Eden and her friends after they’ve dropped off the birthday cupcake to our porch the day before, so everybody can eat it at the same time onscreen. During such isolating and mentally crushing times, our friendships and connections have been what keep us healthy, and that mirrors so much of what Quail Cottage has stood for; creating new friends across differences, nurturing relationships despite challenges, and letting us lean and rely and build upon each other to help ourselves thrive. We need it now more than ever.